Calling all ugly chicks! Mount Isa's mayor makes his appeal

[The Smoking Man]

Calling all ugly chicks! Mount Isa's mayor makes his appeal

    * Catherine Deveny
    * August 20, 2008

MOUNT Isa is a mining town in Queensland high in mineral deposits but short on ladies. Plenty of canaries but not enough birds, if you hear what I'm saying. Young fellas head to Mount Isa to cash in on the mining boom but men are men, with men's needs and men's desires and sure, their pockets are full but they want to get into someone's pants. And fair enough, they're only human. Well, most of them are. The ones without opposable thumbs are still able to wield a club and operate heavy machinery. Just not at the same time.

After a long, hard day in the mines the boys want a warm telly, a cold beer and a hot chick. Or just a chick. If necessary, they'll make do with pictures. But they shouldn't have to, should they? Australia is the lucky country, after all.

For every five toey blokes in Mount Isa, there's one woman. A woman who, I imagine, is dripping with pretty shiny things and surrounded by flowers. That's what I imagine. The truth is that she's more likely to be groped at, pressed up against the bar and is used to having her drink spiked on a regular basis.

Mount Isa's Mayor, John Molony, has a solution. Strap yourself in.

Locate ugly girls and attract them to Mount Isa. I know, where do I start? I thought we were in 2008, not making Carry On Up The Mine Shaft. Molony wants to turn Mount Isa into Rooty Hill. Calling all bush pigs! Blokes bang up to bang you! Those ugly girls should be so grateful.

Bear with me while I quote the world's most unreconstructed holder of public office. "We should find out where there are beauty-disadvantaged women and ask them to proceed to Mount Isa." May I suggest you leave application forms at Northland, Highpoint and Coburg trash-and-treasure? And if you don't, I will.

How about ads in the paper? "Have you not just been hit by the ugly stick but fallen out of the ugly tree and hit your head on every branch on the way down? Are you a two paper-bag job? One on his head just in case yours falls off? Did your last boyfriend refer to you as The Beast? Well, Mount Isa is the place for you!"

Molony goes on to say: "Beauty is only skin deep. Isn't there a fairytale about an ugly duckling that evolves into a beautiful swan?" Will somebody please give this guy an honorary doctorate in gender studies before he gets snapped up writing columns for Zoo magazine?

"Mount Isa: ugly one day, post-coital the next." Will they have a banner out the front that says, "Uglier than a hatful and owner of a working vagina? Come on down! Face like a smashed crab and looking for love? Welcome! Are you the first woman to win the Shrek lookalike competition? Take the paper bag off your head and put your feet up. You're home."

I've got it, a tourist attraction. The Big Pineapple, The Big Banana, The Big Prawn … you know where I'm heading … The Big Ugly Scrag. That's right, a 20-metre-high statue of a fat cow who looks like Gareth Evans. Now I'm seeing a Miss Uglyverse pageant. Don't thank me, it's just what I do. Kasey Chambers is recording Am I Not Ugly Enough? as we speak.

If ugly girls don't know they're ugly, they should. And if they don't, it's our job to tell them.

If you see an ugly chick, make sure you go out of your way to let her know. It could be as simple as tapping her on the shoulder and saying: "Hey, you might want to do something about your head, love." Perhaps you'd prefer something more subtle, like handing her a hessian sack with two eyeholes cut out and the words "MOUNT ISA OR BUST" stencilled on it.

If you think you may be ugly but you're not quite sure, open a woman's magazine. If you don't look like any of the stars on the red carpet or one of the celebrity mums sitting on a pastel couch wearing a white shirt with immaculately groomed and perfectly behaved children by her side, then you're ugly. But the next question is: are you ugly enough to get into Mount Isa?

"I have a mouth like a money box, crossed eyes, hair like steel wool, a nose the size of potato and a head so flat it looks as if I've been whacked by a frying pan. But am I ugly enough? Maybe I should get an independent assessment."

If someone doesn't nominate Mayor John Molony for the Nobel Prize For Der Fred, then I will. The guy is obviously a genius. Back in truckloads of ugly chicks. Problem sorted.

Now on to global warming.

[The Smoking Man]

Get over it, says Mt Isa Mayor
Troy Rowling and Marissa Calligeros | August 20, 2008 - 5:00AM



Mount Isa Mayor John Molony has repeated his call for "beauty disadvantaged" women to move to his town to redress a gender imbalance, despite a community protest last night.

Cr Molony said about 100 women who gathered at the Mount Isa civic centre to protest against his comments were blaming him for their own unattractiveness.

The mayor did not attend the rally, where women and men called for his resignation.

He said the women who attended last night's rally were themselves "beauty disadvantaged" and needed to "get over it".

"The women who turned up at that protest rally tonight are beauty disadvantaged themselves and they can't get over it so they attack me."

Men outnumber women in Mt Isa five to one, but even Cr Molony acknowledged some men were outraged their mayor would assume they would settle for lesser attractive women.

But he said he had also received widespread support for his blunt remarks, which have created a small media storm around the world.

"I've got emails from people all over the world telling me that they like someone who talks straight," he said.

"But now I've got men telling me they've got a right to be selective and they don't want me pushing beauty disadvantaged women on them."

He said Mount Isa provided an opportunity for women to transform themselves.

"It's a compliment," he said. "A woman can come here and transfer themselves with love and devotion in marriage from an ugly ducking to a beautiful swan. It can have a complete transformation for a woman."

Local resident Rikki Loccisano earlier said Cr Molony's remarks had "(painted) the women here as second rate and (suggested) that the men will settle for anything. He has put everyone down."

[The Smoking Man]

'Mt Isa a laughing stock'
Meredith Papavasiliou | August 20, 2008 - 5:00AM

It might have all started as a bit of a joke.

But what Mayor John Molony has managed to do to our town's reputation has sent a wave of anger through the community.

To some, it is unforgivable.

How do you come back from something like this?

Cr Molony has a lot of explaining to do.

The rest of the world - from Switzerland, to Ireland, Israel, and India to the USA - is looking at us and laughing.

Laughing at us, not with us - it should be noted.

While calls for Cr Molony's resignation grow louder and more persistent his role and that of his People's Party, are brought increasingly into question.

This is a man and a party elected on a community platform.

But Cr Molony has single-handedly taken the community he is supposed to stand for and made it a laughing stock.

To so many people, this town is everything.

It's more than a quick buck.

It's more than a fly-by-night, here today, gone tomorrow gig.

This is our home - something we have every right to feel pride in.

And many of us take exception to it being dragged through the mud.

While this started with banter about how Mount Isa could be a veritable Mecca for "beauty-challenged" women, it has ended up as one big mess.

This is no longer just about the men and women of this town and how aesthetically pleasing or otherwise they might be.

But it is certainly about the way the town looks.

It's about how we're perceived.

And this makes us look like idiots.

John Molony might feel inclined to do himself the disservice of shooting off at the mouth at inopportune and inappropriate moments.

But if that's the case, his position, as a representative of this town, is brought into question.

This story has knocked the Olympics off front pages worldwide.

The issue could have been let to rest had John Molony just kept his mouth shut.

One ill-fated radio interview, a bit of ocker or redneck banter and it could have been put down to the mayor's inexperience.

But, not now.

It would be easy to blame the media for blowing this out of all proportion, but we are duty-bound to report what's said.

But surely, our mayor has a duty to promote his community and protect its reputation.

He's been quoted in media worldwide. And the message is consistent.

That's not so accidental. It's beyond a slip of the tongue.

It's embarrassing.